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Synchronicity'
I’ve written many times about how synchronicities tend to increase when I’m in the flow state. I often think of synchronicities as acknowledgements from the universe when I’m successfully following my path with a heart.
Let me share some specific examples of what these synchronicities look like.
Lately I’ve been enjoying speaking about social skills, relationships, and sexuality. I love the intrinsic rewards of this work and keep leaning into it more and more.
I recently returned from a weeklong trip to New York City, which including hosting a meet-up in Central Park and speaking at the Direct Dating Summit on the weekend. This trip was filled with an amazing convergence of synchronicities — strange coincidences stacked on top of each other.
On the plane returning home to Las Vegas, I actually made a list of the synchronicities that occurred on this trip. I was able to list a dozen of them. I’ll share some of the more interesting ones to give you some idea of how they show up.
After I landed in Newark airport, I was going to take a cab to Brooklyn where I’d be staying. But I decided to check my email first, and I got an email from a friend and former Conscious Growth Workshop attendee. We had already been in touch by email a few weeks earlier, so he knew I was coming to NYC around this time. He left his number, so we get in touch by phone, and I ask him if he’s free to hang out that evening. It turns out that he lives close to Newark airport and offers to pick me up. He does so, and we have a delightful dinner with his wife at an Asian vegan place in Morristown. We talk for quite a while, and he’s going to drop me off at a train station, so I can take that into Manhattan and then catch the subway from there to Brooklyn. I’m very comfortable getting around by train, so that’s no problem for me at all. But when we get to the train station, we see that it’s almost an hour-long wait for the next train into the city. So he graciously offers to drive me all the way to Brooklyn, which takes about an hour one way. Later that evening after he drives home, he texts me to say that he arrived back home at exactly 11:11pm.
I stayed in a 3-bedroom AirBnB apartment in Brooklyn with some of the other contributors to the summit. The first Wednesday night, three of us stayed there. I left in the morning on my own to meet up with an old friend at Grand Central Station. That station is huge; it has more platforms than any other train station in the world. The place was packed with people walking in all directions. But somehow I just conveniently ran into my friend there, even though I didn’t know which train he was arriving on. He spotted me first while I was looking at a directory, trying to figure out where to go.
My friend and I have lunch together and walk around Manhattan for a bit. After we say goodbye, I head to Central Park to scout for a meetup location. After picking a spot, I decide to walk to Whole Foods in Columbus Circle to grab some vegan snacks. But I’m a bit tired, so I take a short nap in Sheep’s Meadow first while listening to some meditative music. At some point I just pop awake and sense it’s time to go.
As I’m walking through Central Park towards Whole Foods, I’m spacing out a bit and daydreaming about the upcoming workshop — partly thinking about how fun it will be. I hear someone call out to me, so I look down the path and see two guys heading towards me. I soon recognize that they’re my two roommates from the Brooklyn apartment. In our first day in a place the size of Manhattan, we just happened to bump into each other. But I didn’t know where they were going to be that day, and they didn’t know where I was going. I didn’t even know they were heading into the city. I left well before them and didn’t tell them where I was going, other than that I was meeting my friend in the city. We were blown away that we just happened to be in the same place at the same time.
Later that day the summit’s organizer, Sasha, is approaching women on the street in Brooklyn. He’s fearless about starting up conversations with strangers, and he often runs boot camps teaching guys how to do the same. While he’s talking on his cell phone, he approaches one random girl on the street and hands her his phone, playfully telling his friend on the phone (John) to flirt with her. John and the girl talk on the phone for a little while. After the call ends, Sasha mentions the name of the guy who was on the phone, and the girl claims to know a guy by that name. Sasha is doubtful, but she pulls out her cell phone and shows him John’s contact info, including a photo of John on the URL of John’s website, proving she had met John before.
Again that same day (or the very next day — I don’t recall which), John is in a restaurant and sees actor Philip Seymour Hoffman there, but I don’t think they had any interaction together. This will be meaningful later.
Friday night I host our group meetup in Central Park. It starts out a little slow, with most people showing up well after the start time, but eventually we have a nice group with everyone opening up and having lively conversations. After it gets dark, a bunch of us decide to grab some food, so we walk to Maoz Vegetarian. I’d say there were 10-12 people left at that point. We enjoy some good food (vegan falafel for me) and stimulating conversation. Then we share our final hugs goodbye outside the restaurant, and I look at my watch and see that it’s 11:11pm. The others seem to appreciate the appropriateness of saying goodbye right at that time.
At Friday’s meetup I remember having a conversation with someone about the movie Mystery Men. I also know that I mentioned that movie during a Skype call with Rachelle earlier that week, which she verified. Also, on July 21 I posted some silly advice on Twitter and Google+ that was inspired by the Sphinx character in that movie. You can find that post here.
Before I leave for the summit on Saturday morning, I notice some oily residue on top of the dresser in my bedroom. I grab some paper towels from the kitchen and wipe it up. But I take more towels than I actually need, so there’s a spare. I have no idea why, but I get the intuitive sense that I should bring that extra towel with me to the summit. Logically that makes little sense, but I’ve learned to trust my intuition, so I stuff the extra paper towel in my pocket and head out.
At the summit I take my first bathroom break. The bathrooms are very tiny, so the sinks are out in the hallway. I wash my hands and then realize to my chagrin that the towel dispenser is empty. There are no air dryers either. No big deal… I can just shake out my hands and let them air dry, or perhaps wipe them on my jeans. But then I smile and remember the paper towel in my pocket. I use it to dry my hands. Then I go to the front desk and ask the receptionist to have someone reload the towel dispenser. They promptly take care of that, so no one else has to deal with a towel shortage for the rest of the weekend.
On the second day of the summit (July 28), Sasha and I are chatting in the hallway around the corner from the workshop room. Almost everyone else was in the studio room while Alan Roger Currie was speaking. I hear a voice from another studio further down the hall, and it really sounds like actress Janeane Garofalo. She played the character of The Bowler in Mystery Men. Turns out it really was her. She walks down the hall towards us, and Sasha and I chat with her for several minutes. I invite her to hang out at the summit with us, but she has to decline. She was working on a project there and had to get back to it.
At the end of the summit, I hang out to chat a bit with the other speakers and attendees. I always like being one of the last to leave at such events, so I can share and contribute as much as possible. At one point I’m talking to two guys, and we realize that all three of us are named Steve. That’s the first time I can recall having a conversation with two other Steves at the same time. It was fun but a bit surreal.
After the summit most of the speakers and some of the summit attendees head to a bar a few doors down from the building where we had the summit, partly to celebrate a successful workshop and to hang out and talk some more. At the bar I’m chatting with one of the other Steves from the summit. We soon realize that we’re both the same age; our birthdays are only a few months apart. We both grew up in L.A., and he lived in Las Vegas for a while as well. Then we realize we were both born in the same part of L.A. (Santa Monica). He asks me what hospital I was born in, but I don’t recall off the top of my head. He tells me that he was born in Saint John’s. When I get home, I check my birth certificate, and sure enough… I was indeed born at Saint John’s Hospital. It was like meeting my long-lost twin brother.
Later that same night, at a casual 11-person after-party, Sasha, John, and I are talking in the kitchen. Our conversation turns to the movie Pulp Fiction, which is one of my all-time favorites. Rachelle and I had just re-watched it last time she was in Vegas. I mention the scene with Christopher Walken during our conversation. Sasha shares an interesting story about meeting Walken in person, including doing a pretty decent impersonation of him.
On the Monday after the summit, I decide to visit the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I had already bought a ticket online before I left Vegas. It’s a terrific art museum — huge in fact — and I only have about 6 hours there, so I move through it at a fairly rapid pace. I occasionally start conversations with some of the other tourists, partly because I’m in a very social mood from the summit.
During Alan’s talk at the summit, he cautions against pretending to be someone you’re not. He uses the example of talking to a woman who’s into 18th Century Chinese art — and not to pretend that you like it too just because you’re interested in her (unless of course you really do share that particular interest). While exploring the Asian section of the Met, I notice a picture of some cranes that catches my eye. I look at the description, and it turns out that it was created by a Chinese artist in the 18th Century. That gives me a chuckle.
Eventually I get hungry and decide to grab some lunch. I check out the cafeteria, but there’s virtually nothing vegan, so I decide to head outside. Finding vegan food in New York City is very easy, especially with an app like HappyCow. But as I’m about to leave, I notice a text message from one of the meetup attendees that I hung out with a couple days earlier. Her text reminds me about a place where she got vegan, gluten-free pizza. The place is called Two Boots. I check a map on my phone and see that there’s one just a short walk from the museum. I tell her “Nice timing!” and enjoy some delicious vegan pizza. Then I head back to the museum and finish it off.
While exploring the Egyptian wing of the museum I notice an ankh or two, which jogs my memory of when I used to have an ankh pendant that I really liked, but I lost it many years ago. I make a mental note that it would be nice to get a new pendant like that sometime. I wonder if they might have something like that in the gift shop, but I forget to check.
On my return flight home, I’m a bit tired, so I zone out and meditate with some music for the first 30-45 minutes of the 5-hour flight. I suddenly pop awake and look up. On the TVs in the center aisle, the in-flight movie is playing. On the screen I see none other than Christopher Walken. I laugh at the synchronicity since this trip has been full of so many already. But then in the very next scene, there’s Philip Seymour Hoffman. I grab the magazine from the seat pocket in front of me to see what movie it playing. It’s A Late Quartet, and there’s a photo showing Walken and Hoffman in the same scene, with both of their names listed below.
After my plane lands in Vegas, I notice that my carry-on bag is missing. I was sitting in row 39 out of 40, so I was one of the last people to disembark. I had to put my bag above the seat at row 27 since I was also one of the last to board at Newark, and most of the overhead bin space was already full. My bag is definitely not there, but there’s one similar-looking bag left behind in the adjacent bin. I explain the situation to the stewardess. With their help, I turn in the bag that was left behind to the gate crew, and then I file a report for my missing bag with the airline. They tell me that this happens sometimes and that most likely the person who took the wrong bag will soon realize their mistake and return the bag to the airport. I’m told that most likely I’ll have my bag back by the end of the day.
I’m not particularly worried because there wasn’t much of value in my carry-on. It was mostly clothes — no electronics or special valuables. Actually the biggest potential disappointment would have been the loss of the bag itself. It was a brand new bag, and this was my very first trip with it. I bought it at Costco though, so it wasn’t particularly expensive. I was fairly surprised that someone could mistake the two bags. They were roughly the same size, shape, and color, but the handles were very different, my bag looked brand new while the other was worn, and my bag had 4 wheels vs. 2 wheels on the other. I figured it was probably taken by a tourist who doesn’t travel very often, such that they don’t even know how to recognize their own luggage. I was optimistic that my bag would be returned eventually. I just hoped I would have it back by Sunday, since I’m leaving for Minneapolis then.
About 3-4 hours after I get home, the airline calls. They have my bag. Great! They tell me that the guy who took it by mistake was very sorry for the inconvenience. I drive back to the airport and retrieve the bag without any problems. I wonder if this may have happened for a reason. I feel an intuitive urge to go for a walk on the Strip, so I run with that intuition. The Vegas Strip is only 5 minutes from the airport, and mostly on the way back to my house anyway.
As I’m walking through a stretch of shops between two hotels, I pass by a jewelry kiosk with some interesting looking pendants. I’m about to keep walking past it, but I slow down long enough that the girl who works at the kiosk asks me if I need any help. I was already in a very extroverted mood from the summit and the week in NYC, so I start chatting with her just to be social. I casually tell her about the ankh pendant I used to own and that the pendants reminded me of it, but I can tell she has nothing like it there. She doesn’t even know what an ankh is. I visually trace a circle and a plus sign in the air as I explain what it looks like. She spins and says she thinks she has one somewhere. She flips around one of the displays, and on the back side, hidden among the other pendants, is one very cool looking ankh. I try it on, with a chain to match, and I like it right away. I decide to get it.
Since I’m still feeling social, I keep chatting with her, mostly about travel since she’s from Eastern Europe. Next thing I know, I’m meeting one of her friends and invited to have drinks with them at a bar nearby — the bartender treats us for free. Afterwards we exchange contact info. I continue walking around the Strip, randomly starting conversations with strangers a few more times, dropping compliments, and wishing gamblers good luck. It’s all very easy and flowing.
One reason I love to speak at conferences is that I always learn something. When I’m not on stage, I often sit in the audience to listen to the other speakers. Just being around so many growth-oriented people can be a transformational experience, regardless of the content being shared.
The theme of the NYC summit was “getting sexual,” so I consider a few perspective shifts I’ve had in that area throughout the weekend. I feel like I’ve had a few shifts, but they don’t yet feel very well integrated. They still seem like disjointed ideas, but the dots aren’t fully connected yet. I realize I need to give this area some more thought.
The first day I’m back in Vegas, I get an email from someone I don’t know — a guy who was referred to me by one of the other speakers from the summit. This guy happens to be in Vegas for a few days and wants to meet up. I’m a little tired, but I’ve been hit by so many syncs in the past week that I decide to act immediately. I call him right away and arrange to meet with him at the Wynn Hotel on the Strip in 30 minutes. His name is JJ Roberts, author of the book Sex 3.0. He also has a website with lots of articles about sexuality and relationships. We talk for two hours about open relationships (he prefers the term “unfenced” relationships), sexuality, travel, the breakdown of conventional monogamy, and more. He tells me about a documentary he’s making as he travels around the world, and he invites me to be in it. I tell him I’ll think about it.
The next day (which was yesterday), I agree to go ahead with the interview. We meet up on the Strip and film about 90 minutes of footage. Then we hang out and talk for another hour. Relationship-wise he’s been following a similar path to the one I’ve been on for nearly 4 years now; only he’s been at it for 12 years. I enjoy hearing his perspective and ask him about his philosophy, especially his approach to getting sexual with women. I want to see how what he says compares with what others were sharing at the summit.
I pick up a couple interesting perspective shifts during our conversation, and I feel like the missing pieces are falling into place. I appreciate how he’s able to simplify some aspects of relationships by boiling them down to just a few simple concepts. I often find that when I talk to people whose experience greatly exceeds my own, they have a different way of looking at reality, and their results largely stem from their perspective. When I can grasp and adopt their perspective, I can often get similar results. But the tricky part is being able to understand why their perspective works for them.
Incidentally, I don’t know when the documentary will be released, but I doubt it will happen this year. In the meantime JJ has lots of free articles about relationships and sexuality that you can enjoy on his website.
I’ve noticed that when I’m really following my path with a heart, the synchronicities hit hard and fast — and they just keep coming one after the other. I’ve only shared some of the more interesting ones that came up within the past week.
Objectively you could say that these are coincidences, self-fulfilling prophecies, and lucky accidents. And you’d be right. That is a valid interpretation from the objective perspective. Subjectively, this is also a very interesting way to live — to enjoy a harmonious flow of intention and manifestation that shows up in the form of multiple overlapping synchronicities.
It can be challenging to accept this kind of flow, to run with it, and to trust it. But it sure makes life a lot of fun. After a while you may begin to anticipate a potential surprise around every corner — and still to be blindsided when the surprises come from an unexpected direction.
What creates this kind of flow? In my experience it comes from fully embracing and immersing oneself in a path with a heart — doing what you love and hanging out with people you really like, regardless of how much it pays. As soon as you begin to sacrifice fulfillment and happiness for something fear-based — like money or security — the flow dies, and life becomes a series of routine, boring tasks without meaning or purpose. But you can always regain that flow by paying attention to the build-up of pressure within you. That pressure will often push you into seemingly scary decisions — decisions that will test to the limits your ability to trust the universe in which you find yourself. Once you can establish that bond of trust with the universe, you’re golden. It will back you up as long as you stay true to your path with a heart. Once you stray onto the heartless path, you’ll know it because the synchronicities will stop — you’ll be out of the flow.
Is your life a constant barrage of one delightful synchronicity after another? Do you wake up each morning wondering what amazing surprises will come your way today? Or has your life become mundane, predictable, and heartless?
To get back onto that path with a heart, ask yourself this: What am I afraid to do? What potential path excites me and scares me at the same time?
Is it the path of quitting your dead-end job? Moving on from a lifeless relationship? Radically changing your habits in some way? Selling off your possessions and traveling continuously for a while? What excites you? What people make you feel envious when you learn about their lifestyles?
Pick one of those things you’ve been fearing and avoiding, and lean into it. You’ll know you’re on the right path when the synchronicities start showing up. Usually this will happen within 24-48 hours after you start leaning strongly in the direction of your path with a heart.
Aside from happiness and fulfillment for yourself, another major benefit of following your path with a heart is that you’ll attract others into your life who are on a similar path. You’ll attract each other like magnets — and have a lot of fun together. I always love making new friends on this journey. It’s a pleasure to connect with people who’ve invested years in their personal growth and who understand that there’s much more to life than making money, acquiring possessions, and settling down.
After the NYC summit, I went out to dinner in Manhattan with five of the other speakers — to an all vegan restaurant no less. The food was delicious. The conversation was fun and lively. And afterwards we got some friendly passersby to take a group photo of us outside.
Can you believe that this was actually a regular workweek for me? Going out and having growth experiences, hosting a meetup, making new friends, contributing to a workshop, and sharing what I learn along the way — that’s all part of my career path. And yet it sure doesn’t feel like work. It’s just fun, fulfillment, and adventure.
Please don’t spend even one more day of your life doing uninspired work. It’s not worth it — not even to pay the bills, not even to keep a roof over your head, not even to put food on the table… and not even if you have kids to support. It’s much worse for you to teach your kids to grow up and repeat the mistake of living a heartless life for yet another generation. Trust that if you follow your own path with a heart, the universe will back you up with all the support you need and then some. But it will not lift a finger until you make the first move. It will not help you with your goal of security. It will, however, lavish an avalanche of support upon you for being courageous enough to demand a life of fulfillment, joy, and creativity. But first you must say no to a fear-based, timid life. Then you can say yes to your path with a heart.
I can’t wait to see what next week will bring. 
Uncopyrighted by Steve Pavlina
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